I'm gonna have a badass scar
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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