You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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