dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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