Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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