he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
