I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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