how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
