please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In other news, I just burned my penis
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
