Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
