Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You ruined the universe
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
