I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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