Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
