We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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