There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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