why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
