3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
