im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize