Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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