it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
