You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
