At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
