She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
