Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
