I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sext me about skeletons
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
