i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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