He uses pillows to masturbate.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
