I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
