No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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