he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
