I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im part way to drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
