his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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