I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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