a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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