i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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