I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
