I'm going to jail i love you
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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