my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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