the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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