She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
