Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
