how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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