those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
