More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
