The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize