he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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