bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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