hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
