Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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