your room smells of hookers.
And success
he thought i was a dude.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
