I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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