You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
