So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
