I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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