So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize