maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
