gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
