I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
