so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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