my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
