I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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