You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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