is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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