I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
