Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
